"When I Get Like Tucker"
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The first time I heard my son Duncan say this, he was only 3 years old. He said it so casually, so matter-of-factly. I was completely stunned. Duncan's older brother, Tucker (then 5), is handicapped, physically & mentally, due to
prolonged anoxia at birth. He does not walk or talk. He cannot sit up without support or use his hands functionally. He is fed entirely by g-tube. He is nearly blind. (He is also a very happy child, and extraordinarily cute.)
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I had no idea that Duncan thought of his future in those terms. I didn't know quite how to respond. I told him as simply as I possibly could that Tucker had a very big "boo boo" when he was a tiny baby. That was why Tucker could not walk or talk or see or play like most other kids. He asked no questions. His attention turned elsewhere. Mine did not. I simply could not get it off my mind.
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| After a while, I came to realize that Duncan was not frightened about this future. He was not dreading the time "when I get like Tucker". I take great comfort in the fact that Duncan obviously sees Tucker's life as one not to be feared or pitied. |
| Duncan has said these words a few times in the past couple of years. The last time, many months ago, I gently explained that he would never "get like Tucker". He seemed neither disappointed nor relieved. |
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Whether to have more children after Tucker's traumatic birth & ongoing needs, was never in question. What concerned us, however, was raising Tucker's siblings to care for him (and about him) without seeing him as a burden. Apparently, we're off to a good start.
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| Last updated 4 October 2000 |